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Jan

02

Buckle your seats, it’s emo.

Posted by: mose

Posted in: Life, Rantings

Today was a bad day. No one knows it but me; but, it was bad nonetheless. I feel like I should be “over it” by now. We lost the last baby in March. Isn’t nine months enough healing time that the unexpected cry of a newborn shouldn’t bring me to tears? It does. Especially at work. If I’m going somewhere I know there’s going to be (or a high potential of there being) a baby, I can brace myself for it. When I’m not expecting it, like at a white collar job, it catches me off guard and shakes me. Badly. Internally, I get angry at the mother for bringing the baby to work. I know it’s wrong and I brought my kid to work to show her off, but I just don’t want to see it. I hate being ambushed by babies. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in and my gut feels like I just took a canon ball. In most cases, the whole day is ruined. I’m resigned to mope around, while pretending not to mope. I do a pretty good job, I think. No one notices, which is just as well. If I hear “everything happens for a reason” one more time, I’m likely to throw up in my mouth.

RIP, kiddo. I’ll see you in 60 years or so. We’ll hang out. Promise.

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