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This piece has been weighing on my heart lately. It was written by an e-quaintence from the old Project 86 message boards, Oni (Graham). The styling is rough and unprofessional. The meter doesn’t fit at times. I think that’s why I love it. It forgoes pretention for substance. It’s raw and it’s real. The piece itself is untitled, as far as I know (I’ve tried to find Graham a couple of times since 2001 when he showed this to me, but to no avail), so the title of this post was instead borrowed from a Living Sacrifice album. I hope they both sue me.

Eyes are as hot as the throat

Screams silence my own self

While tears sizzle and burn the layers away.

How much hate can a body hold for something?

How long until a force of sin pushes too far?

Can the Enemy overdo it?

Has the fallen pushed too hard on me?

It was so warm. I in Him and Him in me.

Nothing could tear Him away.

But what could tear me away?

The flies knew.

A chain of events well planned but poorly masked.

I stood facing the moon bewildered, only then realizing the newfound but familiar sound of shackles.

A woodworker shuffles His feet close behind me.

The knowledge of what was happening pounded at my chest, shattering my heart.

I looked at the Carpenter.

“Help,” Then the ground grew large fast.

But He wouldn’t allow me to crumble.

He grabbed me.

Used His hands to hold up a filthy animal.

Used His Light to change a filthy animal.

Used His Love to use the soldier.

I stood up on my new legs.

I had something to do.

I ran into the wilderness screaming.

There was someone who had to die.

I stopped under a hot black sky.

There was no moon.

I started to dig.

1 Foot

2 Foot

3

4

5

6

Done.

I let go.

I landed in the grave face first.

I could hear the soft patter of rain hitting the cracked soil above.

Pat pat became faster.

Pat pat pat became a solid roar.

Water began to fill my grave.

It tasted so good.

I looked into the pool of water waiting for my body to surface.

Nothing.

In the distance lightning lit up the horizon.

The outline of an occupied cross catches my eye.

I didn’t need to go closer.

I knew I hung on that cross.

With a tongue of fire from above, the cross was consumed and everything on it.

No more “Take this” and “Take that.”

This was take it ALL.

I am evil. All of me. Take it all and create a new creature.

Keep that cross. I don’t want it.

iTread beta 0.43

I’m writing this entry from the iTread v0.43. It is almost exactly as pictured above with the exception of some ergonomic enhancements, and positioning head on with the desk for easier viewing. I’ve done 2.77 miles at this point, which is better than my normal 2.43 mile outside route. I watched some old Transformers cartoons, did some forum trolling, even played a few flash games. This has definite potential, since it seems we’ll actually get a Winter this year and I won’t be able to run outside much longer.

On a celebratory note, I hit 217.6 lbs this morning, which is a new 9 year record.

Yes, I’m well aware of how horrifically geeky this is.

That’s the mantra. Sage advice from my buddy Billy. Lately, I’ve been eating like crap though. I need to refocus the diet portion of the strategy. Maybe I need to go all the way back to March, where this journey started. Back to writing down every single intake and the components thereof. Maybe that’s overkill. Either way, I need to end the affair I’ve been having with Twix, Butterfinger, and Kit Kat. I’ll never see the promised land of sub2 that way.

Till next time, holla at your boy.

I think I’m getting sick. This is no fun. I’m teetering on the precipice of sickdom. I wish it would it would either go away or just go ahead and hit me with its best shot and be done with it. I have nothing further to add at this point, so here’s a picture of a turtle saying, “woot”. Enjoy.

So, a new look and a new blog. Got a new pair of running shoes too. Did a quick 1 mile jaunt around the neighborhood and my feet aren’t aching, so that’s a start. Hopefully, they’ll wear in nicely and I’ll get at least 200 miles out of them before all the cushion is gone. Since I just went and spent a chunk of change on new shoes, this means I have to start a new commitment to working out and weight loss. I’ve dropped 40 lbs since April, but things have mellowed out in the last couple of months. Things have just crept up to dampen progress; shoes dying, hamstring problems, life in general. Now, I’ll get a fresh start. That run was nice. It felt good to get out there and push concrete for a while again.

Hamstring still hurts. I guess nothing’s ever completely new again, is it?