ProtusMose.com

I’m actually going to type some words and compose a new protusmose.com blog update. This will be exciting. It’s been, what, two years? Odd things happen in the cycle of blogging. Or at least they did for me. This place started as a private corner to air my thoughts out to dry; to bounce ideas and frustrations off the anonymous cloud of interwebs. Then people started reading. You all ruined mah blagh. My wife got upset that I would blog about personal things that I had never talked to her about. At the time I thought it was an overreaction; however, that’s actually a very legitimate gripe. It wasn’t that I was intentionally hiding things from her. I just never thought to share those thoughts. So, many potential blog posts diverted into meaningful conversations with the woman I’m madly in love with. That’s wonderful for me, not so wonderful for the poor blog.

It was much easier when there was no one reading this thing. I could ask questions, get mad, and write in my little public diary. Then people started reading. And suddenly, I wasn’t writing for myself anymore. I had to keep an ‘audience’ in mind. Takes the wind out of my creative sails when I’m worried about what people will think.

Then, there’s Facebook. I used to get a small idea and develop that into a full post on here. Now, thanks to the instant nature of facebook, that crap gets shoved into a small status update and forgotten about. Yes, Facebook has robbed you of posts.

Finally, there’s nefarious HR representatives. I was looking for a job for quite a while. Employers are snoopier than ever, and make decisions off things they find online without a second thought. “Hey, this could be a great blog post! Wait, what if someone at XYZ company finds the blog and doesn’t like my: faith in Christ/taste of music/sense of humor/etc? I probably shouldn’t say anything.”

So, to recap, or as the kids say these days:

TL;DR

Marital intimacy, family, facebook, and the economy killed my blog.

It’s back though. I think I’ll come up with some original content soon.

My day has been ruined and a new mid-life crisis has been prematurely entered. I was stretching my legs while walking at work. Kind of rocking the Frankenstein walk to clear my knees out a little and stretch the hammies. This guy asks why I’m limping and I joked that I was getting old. The reply? “Old? Come on. You’re only, what, mid thirties?” I searched his face for a hint of joking. He wasn’t. I protested his assessment. “Mid-thirties!? Are you kidding?” His response was “32? 31?”

After I get off work I’m buying a box of Just For Men, and scheduling a face lift.

FML

I’ll preface this by saying I’m not intending to purposely offend anyone. However, please someone explain these to me:

What?

What is the point of this? “In memory of so and so…” That’s a dependent clause. There’s a first half of that sentence that is usually left off because it’s obvious. In order for something to be “in memory of John Doe” something has to be being done. You erect a building in someone’s memory. You donate money to a charity in someone’s memory. You… drive to Walmart in someone’s memory?. What is in her memory? What have act have you performed that has been done in her memory? What is it you have done that is honoring her? Was the act of paying $5.00 for a vinyl decal your act of remembrance? What sort of memorial is that? Are you cutting me off and not using your turn signal to honor your dead relative? If you have one of these stickers, please tell me why.

I just don’t get it.

The official ProtusMose List of Things That Annoying The Living Crap Out Of Me for the week of June 7, 2009.

* Chlorinating granules. These things refuse to dissolve. The bottom of my pool is likely to be bleached. I am also displeased with their efficacy.

* The mispronunciation of the word coupon as “Cue pon”. Coupon rhymes with Grey Poupon (but without the french accent). You don’t pick between a sedan or a kewp. You don’t overthrow your government with a kewp de tat. You don’t get discounts on items at retail stores with a kewpon.

* People who yell at me and then expect me to bend over backwards to help them with something.

* Getting old.

That is all.

So I watched American Idol tonight. I usually don’t, but I missed my wife and it was an easy way to spend time with her.

This kid is the worst human being in the history of the world. He should be shot with an elephant gun, run over by a semi, his body burned with napalm and his ashes soaked in elephant urine.

This is the only video I could find of it now. It just happened an hour ago, so a better one will be up tomorrow probably.

That is the worst rendition I could possibly think of. A middle-eastern/80s/wannabe cure version of Ring of Fire? Adam Lambert, kill yourself. Please.

Show him how it’s done, Johnny.

“Eight time Grammy award nominee Lil Wayne.”

Seriously? What has this world come to?

This past election has been an enlightening experience. When Barack Obama was chosen as the democratic nominee, it was a monumental occasion. Even though I’m against the vast majority of his positions and policies, it was a meaningful event. I listened to both what he and McCain said with an open mind before forming any opinions (even though my vote was for neither). I was wary, though, of the ways others would react. My fears were soon proven to be correct. Black people, I have to be honest. I am disappointed. I really had hopes that you would be able to put the black/white issue in the pocket and vote on the issues. I prayed that African Americans wouldn’t vote for Obama just because he was black. Now, of course I’m not saying that every black person that voted for Obama did so just because he is black. That would be preposterous. What I am saying, however, is that far too many did.

Now, before you go and claim I’m making racist presuppositions, I’ll allow individuals to speak for themselves.

“God has vindicated the black folk….Too long we’ve been at the bottom of the totem pole, but he has vindicated us, hallelujah,” she cried. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t have nothing to put my head down for, praise God. Because when I look toward Washington, D.C., we got a new family coming in. We got a new family coming in. And you know what? They look like us. Amen, amen. They look like us.”

Do you see anything in there proclaiming how excited she is about his proposed policy initiatives? Health care? Taxes? Foreign policy? The fact that she, as a pastor, voted for a pro-abortion candidate? Why did she vote for him? I can’t say with any comfortable level of certainty that her specific vote was based on race; however, her words (at least the little we get from the article) make that case. You won’t find anyone else in that entire article (nor any other I’ve read in recent days) excited over his qualifications or plans for office.

Is it great that we’ve come to a point in our history that a black man can become a freely elected president? Absolutely! However, let’s not pat ourselves on the backs for our advances just yet. We just witnessed a president get elected for two reasons: 1.) He’s not George Bush. (Thanks, George!) 2. He’s a black man. (further reinforcing point 1.)

I hope I have made it clear that I am not upset that we will soon have a black president. Far from it. Heck, if Alan Keyes would have made it on the republican ticket in 2000, I’d have voted for him in a heartbeat, even if he is a little bit of a nutjob. Rather, I am upset that this act has been cheapened in an ultimate act of irony: that he was elected “by the color of his skin, not by the content of his character.”*

In the end, history will tell us if this was a wise collective decision. I don’t have high hopes, however.

I’ll go out on a limb with my 2012 republican ticket request. Paul/Keyes. Go get ’em, boys!

*Emphasis, changes of pronouns, and addition of the word “not” – me

To all co-workers and casual acquaintances:

If we are not friends, do not call me Mike. The name is Michael (Miss Jackson if you’re nasty).

What a great holiday! It is a holiday, right? I mean, it must be. Everyone’s setting off fireworks and being loud buffoons at 10 PM. If it wasn’t a holiday, that would just mean people around here are being rude jerks, and surely that can’t be the case.

Stop being jerks. Seriously. Don’t believe the hype. You do not own the road. While you may technically have the same legal “right” to the roadway as motor vehicles, this does not excuse common sense and good manners. Case in point, this guy:

As you can see, this guy’s got 6′ worth of pristine, paved, clean, clear shoulder to work with. He would be able to get his pedal on while not impeding traffic. Instead, because he has the right to do it, he’s going to sit a foot out in traffic, forcing me to drive 15 mph in a 45 mph zone. That’s a power trip of Trumpian proportions.

Remember, just because you have the “right” to do something, doesn’t mean its the right, or even the smart thing to do. You have a right to walk up to Shaq and call him any name you want. Just don’t be surprised if there’s unpleasant repercussions.

One final note: your bike weighs 19 lbs. My car weighs over 3,500. We can get into the calculations of mass, inertia, and force; however, I can sum it up a little more succinctly: the car will win every time. Be smart. Be polite. Don’t be a jerk, and we’ll all get to where we’re going at our respective pace using our preferred mode of transportation.

Your pal,

Mose