ProtusMose.com

This still exists, I guess.

I’m actually going to type some words and compose a new protusmose.com blog update. This will be exciting. It’s been, what, two years? Odd things happen in the cycle of blogging. Or at least they did for me. This place started as a private corner to air my thoughts out to dry; to bounce ideas and frustrations off the anonymous cloud of interwebs. Then people started reading. You all ruined mah blagh. My wife got upset that I would blog about personal things that I had never talked to her about. At the time I thought it was an overreaction; however, that’s actually a very legitimate gripe. It wasn’t that I was intentionally hiding things from her. I just never thought to share those thoughts. So, many potential blog posts diverted into meaningful conversations with the woman I’m madly in love with. That’s wonderful for me, not so wonderful for the poor blog.

It was much easier when there was no one reading this thing. I could ask questions, get mad, and write in my little public diary. Then people started reading. And suddenly, I wasn’t writing for myself anymore. I had to keep an ‘audience’ in mind. Takes the wind out of my creative sails when I’m worried about what people will think.

Then, there’s Facebook. I used to get a small idea and develop that into a full post on here. Now, thanks to the instant nature of facebook, that crap gets shoved into a small status update and forgotten about. Yes, Facebook has robbed you of posts.

Finally, there’s nefarious HR representatives. I was looking for a job for quite a while. Employers are snoopier than ever, and make decisions off things they find online without a second thought. “Hey, this could be a great blog post! Wait, what if someone at XYZ company finds the blog and doesn’t like my: faith in Christ/taste of music/sense of humor/etc? I probably shouldn’t say anything.”

So, to recap, or as the kids say these days:

TL;DR

Marital intimacy, family, facebook, and the economy killed my blog.

It’s back though. I think I’ll come up with some original content soon.

Considering starting this up again. It’s been dead long enough that most people have forgotten about it. Which is good. I could use some anonymity. Hollar if you hear me.

seriously

No, I haven’t abandoned this place. (Just renewed the domain name today, as a matter of fact.) I do apologize profusely for the lack of content lately. I have a half a dozen ideas running through my head, but nothing solidifying into a cohesive post I feel worthy of reading though.

In the meantime, meet my hero. I would love to shake this guy’s hand.

Jump already

These aren’t new, but the videos are really cool and I don’t have much else to post about lately, so I figured I would share some more metal. You know you love it, interwebs.

These two videos go together in an awesome episodic sort of way. I love watching them back to back. You will too.

You’re welcome.

While protusmose.com has been around for nearly ten years, t’was three years ago this month I decided to turn the homepage into a generic wordpress blog to see what would happen. Along the way, I’ve written a lot of useless words, read by five or six people, and posted lots of videos of more rock than any of you can handle. While I doubt it’s really made an impact on anyone, it’s been fun. I’ll let you in on a secret. I do it for me more than I do it for you. It’s cathartic; more of a diary left open to the latest page in a crowded room. If someone happens to read it and like it, that’s fantastic. Truth be told, even if no one reads it, I enjoy it anyway.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I’ve become increasingly sedatephobic. Don’t worry, I looked up the word for it before writing this, just so I could sound intellectual. It’s the fear of silence. I don’t mean the absence of sound, like your annoying coworker or ex-girlfriend who just can’t stand it if no one’s talking and has to fill the dead air. I’m talking about the quiet times when there’s no one around and it’s just you with your mind left alone to wander. Traditionally, I’ve loved those times. It’s in the quiet times that God has spoken to me most. It’s also when I do my best thinking. In fact, I submit that 90% of all great ideas and inventions in history have been conceived while on the toilet or in the shower. Even mowing the lawn, there’s nothing to do but think.

Lately though, I haven’t relished that time. I’ve come to realize that a combination of a rather crummy last 14 months professionally, and serious lack of prayer and worship time, I just don’t have my head screwed on right. My defenses are in a pitiful state. Now when the quiet time comes, darkness takes in. Where serenity once lived and thrived, bitterness, lust, envy, and resentment now reign with brazen contempt. I tell myself that I’ve forgiven certain people for things that have happened in the last couple years. If that’s the case, why do I mentally rehearse all the things I would tell them if I ever got the chance to tell them off? Is that love? Is that forgiveness? No, it’s pride and folly.

When I can’t pretend I’m not thinking these things any longer, my first reaction should be one of submission and repentance. Instead, I fall for just about the oldest trick in the snake’s book. Shame. God knows every wicked thought that was going through my head, and instead of manning up to it and asking for His forgiveness for having done it and His grace and strength to withstand the temptation to go there in the future. I mentally hide in the woods, searching for a fig leaf, pretending it didn’t happen; as if stopping the sin erases it from history.

The only way to fight this is head on reckless abandon. I must pray for strength and wisdom, fortify myself from attack, and strike down my pride so that I may seek forgiveness.

I’ve been going over a couple of passages over and over, drilling them into my head. Setting perimeters for defense.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or admirable think about such things.–Phil. 4:8

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.–2 Cor 10:5

“Keep this on your mind – keep it within your eyelids” The Devil Wears Prada – Gimme Half

“I’ll never look back. I’ll never taste it again. I’ll never stop. You can’t stop me.” Project 86 – Stalemate

I’m sick of trying to keep my mind occupied just to avoid the mental silence. I hate that it’s been robbed from me. Rather, I hate myself for letting it be taken so easily and without a fight. I’m taking it back by force. Silence will once again be a time of rest. A time of serenity. A time of worship. I will leave the past in the past where it belongs. (I’ll never look back.) I will leave anger and resentment and impurity at the foot of the cross, not to be picked up again. (I’ll never taste it again.)

Consider it a vow.

Sick of looking this up every time the dog or a kid knocks the remote off the bed and the batteries fall out.

remote codes